Why Saying “No” is a Form of Self-Care
The term “self-care” has been used so often in our culture that it’s lost its value. You hear the term on social media, podcasts, and from your friends when you vent about how hard life can be. “Girl, you need to get some self care going!”
But what exactly is self-care in this modern age? When you hear the term, images of spas, expensive food and drink, and vacations often come to mind. When you’re stressed out, feeling down or just having a hard time, the answer seems to be whatever will allow you to release those feelings, even if it's just for a little while.
Self-care doesn’t need to cost a penny, though. Sure, treating yourself to a little pampering can be a good and fun experience, but it doesn’t fix what’s ailing you. It doesn’t make those negative feelings go away. But you know what can help you manage your feelings?
Saying “No.”
It sounds too simple to be effective, right? But saying no to some things and people in your life can give you the space and time you need to wind down, take a breath and focus on your needs. It prioritizes your wellness, both mentally and physically, over the obligations some relationships thrust upon you.
You’re probably thinking, “Yeah, that’s easier said than done.” But what if it wasn’t?
Here are some ways saying “No” can improve your life and help manage your stress:
-Saying “No” Sets Healthy Boundaries
A boundary is the line we draw for ourselves to protect our self preservation. It helps keep us connected with others while also letting them know what you are, and are not, comfortable with.
Let’s say you’re feeling stressed out, and a friend asks to go out after work because she’s having problems in her personal life. You really don’t want to go, but you feel badly because you want to be there or her. But declining her invitation can set a boundary that will give you the space to work through your own struggles, while also letting your friend know that you care for her . You are not required to take on the burden of the problems of others all the time. Yes, you want to be a good friend and help her through this time, but it’s okay to focus on yourself instead. Say something like, “I’d really love to, but I’m having kind of a tough time myself and really need a few nights to just lay around my place and relax. Can we check in with each other in a few days?” That lets your friend know that you care for her, but also care for yourself, too.
-Saying “No” to Other is Saying “Yes” to YOU
When you say no to others, whether it’s an invite to an event, a request for help, or simply declining a phone call, you’re saying YES to you. It’s a small act with major rewards. Saying “Yes” to yourself means you’re investing in your own growth, wellness and health. It feels empowering to prioritize your own needs!
If you have just worked a long, 60 hour week while maintaining your home life (kids, pets, relationships, chores), you don’t have to go to the community event on the weekend. Say “Yes” to resting and relaxing instead, and refill that empty cup to prepare for the week ahead.
If your kid’s best friend has a parent you just don’t gel with, you don’t have to say yes to hanging with them while your kid does. Saying “Yes” to your feelings about that person can free yourself from a potentially uncomfortable, and forced, relationship.
If your mom calls and you just don’t have the energy to chat, it’s ok to hit that red button. You aren’t required to answer every phone call, even from those you love. You can even turn the phone off entirely and do something that will make you happy!
By saying “No” to others, you’re giving yourself permission to do what you need to in order to be happy, find relief or have some down time. And if others don’t like it, guess what? They don’t have to!
At Remedy Sense Counseling, we specialize in helping individuals with self esteem. If you need help learning how to say no, give us a call. We’d love to walk with you on your journey.
Read our medical advice disclaimer.
