3 Reasons Why Positivity Isn’t Always the Answer
“Look on the bright side!”
“Everything happens for a reason!”
“Good Vibes only!”
These are phrases we are faced with not just in our personal lives, but also in pop culture. The belief that we should always be happy, think good thoughts and smile through the pain has been ingrained in our culture for many years, but it’s led to generations of people who don’t know how to identify their emotions, and more importantly, deal with them.
As much as we don’t love the word “toxic”, in this case, we will use the term that best describes this behavior: toxic positivity. (We believe that the word toxic has been used so ,ich and so passively that it has become an overused term devoid of meaning and value).
While we believe that there is a place for positive thinking, affirmations and viewpoints, there are also times when it’s necessary to acknowledge and feel our negative emotions. But if it feels bad, why should we feel it? Because negative emotions can help us understand what positive ones should feel like! Here are other reasons positivity isn’t always the answer:
1. Feeling negative emotions helps us heal.
It sounds counterintuitive, but when we face our negative emotions and learn how to handle them, we are able to take the fear out of the pain and move forward. Your emotions are a part of your body, and if a part of your body is injured, ignoring it won’t help it get better. You wouldn’t ignore a broken arm, would you? Even though it hurts, you would seek help to ease the pain. The same can be said about healing from negative emotions.
2. Smiling through the pain`will only make the negative emotions worse.
As much as we want to avoid the pain, we have to face it to move forward. Trying to force yourself to have a positive mindset, to see the bright side, to find the silver lining, will only hold you back from easing your pain. There is no shame in admitting that you are sad or hurting! But when you pretend like everything is ok, you don’t grow–but your negative emotions do. Often they grow under the surface, quietly, until they show up in forms of depression, anxiety, self harm or substance abuse.
3. Using toxic positivity can be a form of gaslighting.
Gaslighting is when we “manipulate another person into doubting his or her perceptions, experiences, or understanding of events.” Even when we think we are helping someone by being positive and pressuring them to do so as well, we are in fact creating feelings of shame and guilt within that person. This can lead to them engaging in dangerous behavior or falling into depression and anxiety. Instead of gaslighting that person, you can simply be there for them and say, “I know you’re going through a really tough time. I’m here for you for whatever you need, whether it’s an ear to listen or a friend to lean on. There’s no rush, but I want you to know I’m here.”
While negative emotions are a normal part of the human psyche and of life, if you find yourself not able to move past them, please give us a call. We’d be honored to walk the path of healing with you.
